I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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