And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
