I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
