I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
