did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
