When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
