Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
