so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
