are you still at the devil's house?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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