im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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