What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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