While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
