At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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