i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
