I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize