I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
