Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
