Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
