People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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