9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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