I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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