If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!