Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.