WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.