Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human