Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'll alert the authorities

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  (513): someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet (330): I'll alert the authorities http://tfl.nu/v6wq
  Replies (8) Good night (1335) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.

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  (818): my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again. http://tfl.nu/vc1t
  Replies (24) Good night (3718) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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  (248): the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake. http://tfl.nu/1bz8
  Replies (7) Good night (2479) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  god i miss watching you do this...

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  (612): so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim.. (507): god i miss watching you do this... http://tfl.nu/jwsv
  Replies (16) Good night (5050) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

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  (770): I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high. http://tfl.nu/dl85
  Replies (63) Good night (8082) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van

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  (817): He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van http://tfl.nu/z2ov
  Replies (2) Good night (2114) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.

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  (+61): I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you. http://tfl.nu/i3nm
  Replies (4) Good night (1585) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

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  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
  Replies (19) Good night (2426) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.

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  (402): I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story. http://tfl.nu/wp0p
  Replies (11) Good night (689) Bad night (1840)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.

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  (303): He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door. http://tfl.nu/ylk0
  Replies (3) Good night (1459) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru

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  (904): usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru http://tfl.nu/ym2q
  Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  "willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?

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  (781): "willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate? http://tfl.nu/w7fu
  Replies (2) Good night (351) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...

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  (604): I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight... http://tfl.nu/vm1g
  Replies (6) Good night (237) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.

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  (816): Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort. (913): Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine. http://tfl.nu/1agk
  Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.

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  (202): She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising. http://tfl.nu/7jp1
  Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (198)

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