Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying

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  (773): I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying http://tfl.nu/t0mj
  Replies (1) Good night (1096) Bad night (1102)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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  (202): i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML http://tfl.nu/7ngy
  Replies (4) Good night (1251) Bad night (578)
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  (212): View more from New York

  he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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  (212): he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform. http://tfl.nu/ifar
  Replies (16) Good night (624) Bad night (3442)
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  (925): View more from California

  Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

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  (925): Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/fkde
  Replies (47) Good night (5606) Bad night (1450)
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  (951): View more from California

  This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.

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  (951): This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago. http://tfl.nu/53yc
  Replies (6) Good night (829) Bad night (4063)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants

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  (904): the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants http://tfl.nu/u4r0
  Replies (7) Good night (5997) Bad night (707)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.

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  (603): 4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin. http://tfl.nu/zsng
  Replies (16) Good night (1025) Bad night (6749)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club

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  (512): that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club http://tfl.nu/q8pu
  Replies (8) Good night (1144) Bad night (1929)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?

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  (815): Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers? http://tfl.nu/gqlt
  Replies (9) Good night (2608) Bad night (1351)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!

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  (352): Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?! http://tfl.nu/wryd
  Replies (11) Good night (2493) Bad night (800)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.

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  (817): Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday. http://tfl.nu/w47f
  Replies (9) Good night (2850) Bad night (815)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex

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  (817): Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex http://tfl.nu/6b6a
  Replies (3) Good night (1044) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.

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  (907): When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on. http://tfl.nu/9zlu
  Replies (1) Good night (725) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time

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  (603): You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time http://tfl.nu/76fp
  Replies (1) Good night (706) Bad night (341)
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library

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  (949): I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library http://tfl.nu/jhv7
  Replies (3) Good night (648) Bad night (308)

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