Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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