Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

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(310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy

Replies (40) Good night (16125) Bad night (2224)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.

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(201): Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision. http://tfl.nu/ohzv

Replies (7) Good night (4466) Bad night (672)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.

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(612): My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell. http://tfl.nu/g9t5

Replies (22) Good night (4054) Bad night (1009)
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(765): View more from Indiana

i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring

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(765): i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring http://tfl.nu/hl5v

Replies (13) Good night (1027) Bad night (5963)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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(502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9

Replies (10) Good night (4920) Bad night (1566)
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(703): View more from Virginia

We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

(540): View more from Virginia

You guys make me sad

(703): View more from Virginia

You misspelled jealous there

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(703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst

Replies (23) Good night (11757) Bad night (1421)
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(626): View more from California

I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.

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(626): I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well. http://tfl.nu/o4bp

Replies (16) Good night (1115) Bad night (2373)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.

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(860): Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am. http://tfl.nu/9zeo

Replies (6) Good night (1728) Bad night (723)
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(310): View more from California

Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.

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(310): Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting. http://tfl.nu/us8p

Replies (4) Good night (1148) Bad night (556)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.

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(413): I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR. http://tfl.nu/5elj

Replies (16) Good night (2955) Bad night (781)
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(509): View more from Washington

first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.

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(509): first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off. http://tfl.nu/heya

Replies (7) Good night (504) Bad night (1364)
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(845): View more from New York

We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."

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(845): We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..." http://tfl.nu/o2g7

Replies (8) Good night (812) Bad night (1282)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I've literally never felt worse

(203): View more from Connecticut

My body feels like its decomposing

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(203): I've literally never felt worse (203): My body feels like its decomposing http://tfl.nu/4u06

Replies (3) Good night (588) Bad night (982)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.

(1-715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.

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(715): If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues. (1-715): I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes. http://tfl.nu/6qvu

Replies (2) Good night (1173) Bad night (472)
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(801): View more from Utah

Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.

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(801): Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight. http://tfl.nu/rr81

Replies (10) Good night (869) Bad night (341)

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