After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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