He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
