You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
