Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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