My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
