I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
