oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize