I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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