she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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