i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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