I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
