I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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