i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
