You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer