We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
