I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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