1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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