If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
