I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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