she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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