"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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