Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
