he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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