We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
