One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
