The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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