moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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