So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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