Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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