just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
