Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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