Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
