I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
