yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
