Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.