Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.