Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.