whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.