how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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