But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery