I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
