i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
