we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
