How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
