I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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