Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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