The maid of honor just puked.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
