he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
