so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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